Comments on: Escape

By: spasmicallyperfect

spasmicallyperfect — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:46:35 +0000

Ok,
I am back and read the whole thing.
The whole part until the narrator gets back to the house is absolutely great. Not only does the ‘what on earth is the matter question’ linger but the patience with which that part is written traps the reader in that same empty building getting more and more scared.
I am trying to ‘buy’ the end. I am not sure why it’s not quite working for me, whether I find it odd that it takes him/her so long to suspect the ‘them’ or because the first part seems so everyday and the second part starts me thinking about aliens or because there too many unanswered questions at the end. Also the balance - it seems that I suffer with the narrator for so long and then he/she slipps through my fingers without me even having the time to wrap my head around it.
I have read stories like these, the open ended ones. Some of them I’ve liked, others I didn’t. I think this one was a bit too open for my taste, but nevertheless, it kept me reading and was like usual well written.

hi spaz,
i appreciate your honesty here. it was an experiment - two writers seeing if they could meld their styles into one. i’m thinking too that maybe the premise was too big for the story. it might be that it should have been longer or even a novel or something. others have made comments to that effect.
sarah

By: spasmicallyperfect

spasmicallyperfect — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 13:33:33 +0000

Sarah, I’ll have to come back to this one, short on time but I will, as always….

no worries, spaz. although, i will admit that i’m curious as to what your reaction will be. it’s been mixed reviews so far.
sarah

By: craig

craig — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:58:57 +0000

I too felt like I was being dropped in the middle of a story. Perhaps you two can flush it out just a bit. It was stimulating, but a bit unresolved.

hi craig,
i guess that was the idea - leaving things a bit unresolved. i don’t think we’ll be doing anymore work on it though - as i told jane, it was just a little experiment for fun. thanks for your comments and for reading.
sarah

By: JaneDoughnut

JaneDoughnut — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:35:36 +0000

This is great. But I feel like it’s only the beginning. As the house goes up in flames, the opening credits roll, and then there’s the entire rest of the movie…
…as though I’m one to talk about throwing someone into the middle of a story.

hi jane,
sorry to disappoint - but this is the story. it’s was just a little experiment we thought we’d try. thanks for reading.
sarah

By: tomachfive

tomachfive — Wed, 30 May 2007 12:01:04 +0000

Reminded me of the scene in Keannu Reeve’s Devil’s Advocate, where all the people disappeared in New York’s Fifth Avenue. The story reflects a fear for some people: to be suddenly entirely alone. Even the ones that bug us, become missed in that utter absence of everyone. I think this psychological phenomenon does happen in homes, when you’re expecting even your obnoxious sibling to be there, and then find the house suddenly empty at odd times, when in fact they just went to a ball game without telling.
You built up a solid mood for a tragic psycho ending, terrific.

hi tom,
that was a nice comparison. i agree, i think one thing that people fear is being left all alone in the world. glad you liked it.
sarah

By: krkbaker

krkbaker — Tue, 29 May 2007 14:58:10 +0000

This was very interesting. I still wonder who the people were, and what was in that box? I liked how the narrator went into the office with dread and yet, no one was there. Like their entire life had been erased. This was very suspenseful. Will there be more? kim

hi kim,
glad you liked it. i don’t know if they’ll be more. it was one of those things that just sort of happened. it is a possibility though.
sarah